17th August 2026

I just came back from BOUNDLESS which was a long, exhausting, and mostly deeply joyous weekend. Nothing beeats being in the company of perverts who do it like you do. I met many wonderful people who I hope liked me at least 60% as much as I like them, and I intend to travel more to go and visit them and check out other venues and local scenes in the UK (tour of UK leatherdyke clubs and nights 2027?)

I was very proud of how I handled myself and my feelings at a lot of points during the weekend. When I was younger, even by a few months, I would have definitely been stung by a lot more envy and insecurity than I was. I had difficult feelings at times, especially when plans didn't work out, but I was able to regulate pretty well and just try to appreciate the things I did have the opportunity to do, whether that was sex or socialising. It was nice to show myself that in what's arguably the highest stakes situation (I am far from home, I don't know a huge number of people, everyone is experienced and competent and hot and cool) I can actually handle missing out, quiet times, friends getting to do what I despeartely want to, and more, with a reasonable amnount of dignity and grace.

The weekend did not go how I would have wanted, to be clear. My class had a small audience and because of timings around lunch and the bootblack challenge, I started a bit late and ended up missing things I wished I had spoken about. But everyone there seemed to really enjoy and appreciate what I had to bring to them on the topic of Risks, and I really enjoyed being able to share that with them. My plans with my Owner derailed somewhat, but we did still play together on every day of the event, I still got to be a bit shown off, and I had a couple moments of pick-up. My Owner really struggled with the weekend, and I deeply wish that she had been able to feel what I felt throughout much of the weekend. Equally, we both learned a lot about how we need to interact with events both individually and together, and I think the next time we do something like this, it will go much better because we know what to plan for now. Selfishly I want that, and I also just very genuinely want her to really *feel* how I and others see her.

Unexpected moments like being asked to get someone something from the snack table, or being given a lollipop or a sticker, made me feel just utterly delighted. We're all here to be perverts and it's nice to embrace being a little bit of a pervert about the small things in a way I just don't get to normally. Also the venues I went to were just better than anything I've experienced up here, whether due to the physical decoration on the walls or the way that sound and ambience were managed in the venue. I also really valued the tech boot challenge and the valuable feedback I got from the reigning UK Bootblack Wookie. Opening myself up to feedback and criticism is something that has made me feel very vulnerable in the last year of my life compared to before then - I assume due to general stress making me more touchy and volatile - but I am so glad that I did.

In my workshop I also tried to cultivate vulnerability and I made it clear that one of the things I wanted to achieve was a space for honest discussion and to hopefully germinate more honest conversations about risk within the mixed/pansexual/regular kink scene, because I think this will lead to better decisions and more interpersonally skilled people. Yes, I like to do things where if they go wrong, there may be no saving my life in response, or severe lifelong disability if there is. I do nobody any favours by not admitting that. But having that conversation and being real about it requires me to be vulnerable and earnest. I am increasingly unable to bear the way that social media and the increasingly doomed vibes of the world have made us all harden ourselves. It is understandable that we do, but I do not think that it is actually helping any of us survive. Maybe it helps us survive the day at work and family holidays and so on, but keeping those walls up when we are with the people who are meant to be in our community is not helping anyone. I love some dark irony humour as much as anyone else but, everything in moderation.

The problem is that this is reciprocal. We can't be vulnerable if someone is being a dick, and it's hard to want to when someone is closed off. Equally, mutual vulnerability requires giving ourself to the conversation while leaving space for the others involved, which is not an easy thing to do. At the end of the day someone has to invite that and create the space for the vulnerability to happen and to take that social risk, and I guess I increasingly feel like that's an incredibly important quality for a community organiser and someone who is going to be seen as a leader. And it's a huge fucking risk to take. I am still figuring out how to be better at creating space for people to let down some walls and be more open and genuine in the places I spend most of my time. Starting to just be more socially gregarious is something.

In the end I guess what I wish I could see is more emotional honesty and capacity to give eachother a bit of good faith. This weekend I felt like I was surrounded by people who do those things (if they didn't I don't think they'd be able to do the kinds of play they do!). I wish that feeling was one I felt more often, rather than something that comes as a refreshing surprise.

Anyway, I got fisted by three different people, so that was pretty good. I am already deeply excited for next year