first time on the 38

the rain hurtled as we ran
just barely caught the bus
i can't believe this is happening
it's my first time on the 38
the dark and the storm completely shroud
the petering-out of the city centre
but in time i'll know this route well

i lost myself talking to you
maybe i can blame it on how you kissed me
my brain's full capacity spent on
keep it together, we're in the bar for god's sake
eyes fluttering closed
your mouth on my skin making my head spin like a comet
and you were telling me all these
wonderful terrifying things
that i had to look forward to
before i knew it: "last orders"

it's a blur - conversations and rain
kisses in the bar, avoiding eye contact
with the next table over
when your teeth sunk into my neck
all i have is my coat
wallet and keys, pocketed
you had the same SSRIs as mine
but you never actually took them
so in the morning i'll be fine

it's one or so when we get back
my first time in your kitchen
i make you a cup of tea
because you asked- no, ordered
drunk and high
we both weren't meant to stay out late tonight
so i expect nothing as we go to bed

how are you half-asleep and changing my life with your hands?
you tell me even more
whisper threats and promises
my words won't form, but that's okay
you seem to like it
and you keep pushing your fingers deeper

i take your spare meds
make my way home
on an empty stomach, dazed
now you scare me even more
an unplanned runanway train like that changed my life
what the hell are you going to do to me next time?